Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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