Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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