so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I could make wine with my vomit
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
