It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
