I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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