So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
