i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
