I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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