The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize