i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
