How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
