I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The uberlube is also flammable
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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