if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Randomize
