if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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