She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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