How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
