all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
