mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
