I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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