I love black thongs
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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