If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
