i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
