As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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