Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
