What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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