there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
