i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
