Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I stole a fireplace last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
