Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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