I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
