I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
