i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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