How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
