I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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