dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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