that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
