I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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