apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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