Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
