4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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