if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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