If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
