Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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