why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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