The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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