i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
