Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
