dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
