Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
