so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
