God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
