youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
