i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
