Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so let's talk penis.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
