It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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