What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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