hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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