Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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