We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
