I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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