foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
