I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
