I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
