Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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