Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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