her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
