I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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