My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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