So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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