I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
