How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
