There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
